It's All Just Flesh and Feelings

In a million moments long forgotten
by everyone but me,
you were my life

I got lost in you and didn't want to be found
That's the rosary
you hung my heart with

I have to force myself to look
at your words, your expressions
from a time when you were purposely attempting to kill
the love you didn't want to be real

It was pain beyond anything I've ever felt
And for a short while I became
something that made it easier for you
to live with what you'd done

If you look in me, you'll still find love
Love for you, I mean
I keep it under lock and key

But some nights it won't let me sleep
It just lays awake and howls
And I don't know what I must do
to stop it

We were a million moments of hope
Stacked higher than we recall climbing
You were my great pyramid
And you'd have buried me there atop it
with time and her sands

There are times when I'm glad
that you remain so indifferent
Because my future isn't you
I've already said no

But where your name brings nothing
but empty pain into my chest
I sometimes wish you'd walk through my door
and just hug me

I waited and waited
Some would say I'm still waiting
For no conversation about us
is ever easy for me

But if it's not your presence
that I'm awaiting
Won't someone tell me
what makes you worth waiting for?

You say hello out of nowhere
I think of not responding
But you know how to play the fool in me
You've always had that power

Your lines are few and you leave them abruptly
Go on living as though you said nothing
And all the while I am here wondering
Are you still just hoping I'll hate you someday?

I know we're not friends
You can't be my lover
You are just another face in the maze
that I once knew to be home

Time is not always forgetful
Love is not always worthwhile
And, sadly, part of my heart will go on waiting
for one more moment with you

Poetry from Majestria by Shane Windham
E-book and paperback now on Amazon.com

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