10/27/16

Mrs. Go Nowhere

Saw you getting high in the parking lot;
mascara sloppily etched around your carefree eyes
T-shirts and torn denim is not what they mean
when they say business casual
It turned me on that you didn’t know, or just didn’t care
Had to check my watch to break my stare
You were passing me on your way in
when I got brave enough to sneak
another blink-free peak in your general direction
The blank expression my face resorts to whenever I’m shaking inside
makes me look nine kinds of angry
I secretly hoped it would catch your attention,
the way it’s done with every other girl
whose pleasure I’ve called all mine
But when your bloodshot look met mine,
I couldn’t help smiling like a child
presented with birthday cake
You waited on me to open the office door for you,
and I swore I saw you wink
as you thanked me, then went about your day
Kept having to remind myself
that you were a stranger I wasn’t allowed to touch
Your scent lingered in the open air
Or was it my imagination?

I hated the idea of what awaited you
inside of that cold cube you’d just entered
This place lines women up in heels;
lobotomizes their individualism
with invasive expectations,
and spray paints them in pink,
as though they were nothing more
than eye candy and presentable fluff
The idea of them even hiring you
seemed shamefully laughable,
but I was wrong to presume
That’s usually been my experience with presumption
What’s more, you’d be working with me
“About fucking time.” was all I kept thinking
And it had little to do with how much I wanted
to be between your legs
Mostly, I was sick of those hypocritical prudes
the company continually choked me with
I hoped you’d be different,
knowing there was no need to hope
Deep down, I already knew you far too well
Meeting you was like rediscovering
something precious I had lost,
which I didn’t recall losing

It was nearly a month of repressed attempts
to swallow back the desire of getting closer
before you invited me out with you
We ended up in a mansion on a Tuesday night,
drinking champagne while the DJ spun techno
I’m still not sure who you knew there,
or why you’d been invited
In all likelihood, you knew no one,
and invited yourself
You were probably just a gorgeous girl
they wouldn’t turn away at the door
The crowd paid us no mind
Nobody seemed to notice our presence,
even after the party was over
You snatched a quilt from some random room,
and laid it out for us on a balcony
that looked every bit as unpredictable
as the rest of the night had been
And it was there that we made our introduction
It was there that I fell for you

It was a night of many lifetimes
The sun took forever to rise
And there we lay, ready to meet it
as it crept over the horizon
Reality came rushing back at us,
but I felt like a new man with a polished heart
We were both late to work that day
You hadn’t even changed before going in
We spent the day making out in empty spaces,
and you quit before they had a chance to fire you
for loving me
Some days, you still join me for lunch,
and no one seems surprised
that we’ve wound up together
I adore the way you get so stoned
that you forget my boss’s name
He doesn’t find it quite as funny,
but if it wasn’t me taking you home at night
I could understand how life
would be lacking in laughter
So I blow his pissiness off the way that you taught me to,
and go on about living my life;
only mindful enough to worry
about loving you with the best of what I am
Always glad to see you smiling like the first time
when I think to ask, "How am I doing?"

Poetry from POETiCA by Shane Windham
E-book and paperback now on Amazon.com

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